Friday, July 24, 2009

of Men

Boy does time flies! Its funny how we keep saying that but it really only goes faster, doesn't it? I do relish the simple days where we have less to deal with. A simple pot of tea like the one I've just put on and a little quiet idyllic afternoon with a good book is all I crave for these days. I've been back in Singapore for 24 days now but it really seem like yesterday that I'd just left Sydney. I do miss the weather especially now that the heat here has become awfully oppressive at 91degF and above, not to mention is far more crowded in Singapore than in Sydney. Nonetheless, its nice to be back sewing up a storm for the shoppe. :+)

A couple of thoughts ran thru my head the other day and thought I'd share. From my end of the thinking stick, seems like guys have it harder going for them these days. The women empowerment movement has been going for eons now and it seems that women have no issue speaking their mind, being overly sensitive & analytical about relationships with people (not just love), and patting themselves on their backs, calling that emotional support. Don't get me wrong, I'm a girl too and yes, I do face issues everyone else does. And I emphasize "everyone". It seems that guys do face issues with people & feel too but apparently, instead of analyzing the situation/experience to bits, judging and talking it to death with their BFFs, they simply brush it off or keep it to themselves. They do see things in a different way. Its really from a different angle and yes, they do have considerate feelings! Over the years of being with my other half has thought me a lot of lessons. We talk, a lot, about everything and while we might not always see things from each other's eyeballs, we try to empathize. And that word doesn't mean "emotional support", it really means taking yourself out of context and trying to feel what the other person feels. Its a strange practice and for a long time, I couldn't do that myself. Its difficult when one's entire brain is covered in the colored goo of one's own thoughts and opinions, we forget that the other person matters too, even when we want them to listen to us. And the fact that guys find it difficult to express their thoughts clear enough for the women to understand, makes it all the reason for us to drift apart. We all have work, life, issues and so forth and sometimes its darn difficult to speak to someone when they don't listen. We look for our girlfriends to lament, to empathize and for pats on the back, but we forget that at the end of yet another long day, the men need that kind of support too! They may not ask for it, may not complain that we're not spending enough time & attention on them like our BFFs do, but trust me, they need a hug every now and then, to say that you still care and you're still there for them. Something I said to my other half before I moved back to Singapore a while back stuck with him, "No matter what happens, I'll always love you". Sure enough, I'd already forgotten about it but he reminded me and told me it mattered and it kept him alive. I was touched in a long long time.

It sounds so Stepford Wives, but its true that if we women are not lavishing attention on our other halves, or even your good friends, they will look elsewhere for the attention (but may not always end up negative). I'm pretty sure we'll feel the same if we're being ignored. Its a lovely reminder of assurance. Men do not think about sex all the time. That is pretty true from hundred of articles of men myths on the net. Its really the media that sensationalize that. We all have roving eyes, not just the men! Perhaps its the extended period of time me & my other half spend apart that we end up cherishing the time we have much more. The distance does have some occasional annoying consequences but nothing to raise hell about. I do remember a time where we spent everyday together during uni days yet still drift apart because we took each other for granted that the other person will always be there anyways so we don't have to be nice to each other. Its so easy to slip into that really. So, eventually, its not the geographical distance that keeps people apart, its really the effort to spend time together doing stuff, listening & experiencing that really helps keep people together.

Instead of taking the easy way out & slipping back into a hermit life, why not give the men in your life a hug today?

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